The horse flew ahead, eyes half-blinded by the fog. The exhausted soldier was in no position to command, though he led the horse with a weak hand. They had travelled for days, braving heat, storm and hunger. “Just an hour more” pleaded the soldier to a God he did not believe in. They reached the land of exile, at last. The horse slowed down at the sight of a boy. “Our country is free”, shouted the soldier with a last burst of energy, as he fell down, fatigued.
Thank you, Rochelle, for hosting Friday Fictioneers and thanks to Erin for the photo.
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Dear Nightlake,
Welcome back.
Well done atmospheric piece. I felt the soldier’s fatigue and determination to deliver his message. Hopefully the boy will inform others and someone will tend to the poor soldier. Nicely done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Hi Rochelle,
So glad to be back in FF, though I have been very late in posting this time. Thank you for your kind words of appreciation
I like the tone you set with this piece making it highly believable. The horse and rider deserve a long rest.
Yes, they indeed do. Thank you so much:)
Excellent! You drew me in with the first sentence, and kept me on edge all the way through the very satisfying conclusion. Great interpretation of the photo prompt.
Thank you, Jan. Many stories this week seem to feature horses 🙂
The solider’s need to reach his goal is so well described – the pleading to the god he doesn’t believe in. I hope his message is well received.
Yes, people always take up to pleading in the last stages. Maybe, deep down the belief is there, though it is well disguised. Thank you for reading, Sarah
I like this, kind of like the story of Marathon, where the slave ran to tell them about a victory and died of exhaustion, although I’m glad your character didn’t die. I like the line, “pleaded to the God he didn’t believe in”. It’s so true, people pray when they’re in trouble, even when they don’t normally think about God.
True. Most of us probably have the need to turn to someone who can manipulate things our way.. someone who is all-powerful….Thank you for taking the time to read and comment
Good story. I thought for a moment that the soldier was going to fall down “dead” but was glad the word was “fatigued.” There was good tension in the story that kept me reading. Well written. 🙂 —Susan
Thank you. Appreciate your comment
i salute the soldier’s determination and his sacrifice to bring the good news. and i agree, when truly desperate, even those who don’t believe will eventually find themselves praying to anyone who would listen.. great story.
and this includes praying to humans. lol. Thank you, KZ:)
There is a lot in this piece, which was so well-constructed. The concept of ‘getting back’ is a strong theme I like very much, and one feels the exhaustion. Well.crafted, pleasure to read..
Thank you very much for this, Pirate. Your appreciation is always so heartfelt and motivates me to write more
I loved this, Padmini, and was barracking for him in his desperate struggle. The reward came in your last line. “Our country is free”.
Very nicely portrayed.
Hi Carolyn, Thank you kindly for your comment. I am glad you could picture the scene.
Well done the proud and determined soldier.
Thank you, Kim:)
the struggles both from the horse and the soldier comes across clearly as you describe their efforts. wonderful writing, as always.
Happy that you liked this, Sunshine. Thank you. How are you doing?
life is good all the time, Padmini. thanks, and hope all is well with you too. 🙂
It is:) Thank you:)
captivating DOF!!!